Spring is almost here, and I’m sure that many of us are considering spring cleaning, going on exercise programs and changing our diets for a renewed body, preparing for summer.  Have you ever considered a spring cleaning of old beliefs and values within your self?

Have you ever gotten up in the morning, not quite feeling “On Top of the World” as most motivational speakers preach?  Have you felt as though gloom and doom is at hand and you really don’t see any hope for the near future?  Many years ago, I had one such day.  I woke up lethargic, feeling down and purposeless.  I really didn’t want to get out of bed, but a part of me, gave the rest of me a talking to and then I got dressed.  Positive affirmations were not going to solve my problems today.  With doubts about my future, I dragged myself into the world, anyway.
I was enrolled in a counseling program, a ‘great’ idea, I thought.  After taking a year off from being made redundant, a close friend and teacher suggested that it could be something worthwhile pursuing and that I could train and be good at.  It gave me, what I thought was, renewed hope and purpose towards a new career.  But this day, I was having second thoughts once again.
In my short first career of seven years, I had lost my job twice in the same industry and my whole dream of climbing the corporate ladder and becoming a Yuppie (young upwardly mobile person) had crashed.  I felt like a complete failure.  After all, my father worked for over 35 years in his job and had been well recognized and acknowledged.  I, on the other hand couldn’t seem to keep my job!  Thoughts ran through my head…mostly fear.  I had invested much time, money and effort and was going to lose everything that I had worked hard to build up.  I felt deep embarrassment and shame…how was I going to break the bad news to my family and what would they think of me?  The reality was that change was going on all around me.  Times were different from my father’s generation.  Fewer and fewer people were working until retirement with one company.  I along with thousands of others were being affected by all this change.  Many corporate executives much senior to me were also losing their jobs.  Was this a consolation?!! 
As I was fumbling through this uncertain time, a harsher reality came into my awareness. I found myself with much to reflect on.  My whole purpose in life up to this point was to fulfill Mother’s dream.  From early on in life, I was given these values.  It was she who had wanted the house, the car, the husband, the big diamond rings etc. (that she felt that she never had).  I was swept up by this illusion and had made it my life’s purpose. I succeeded in taking on the role quite well.  However on a deep subconscious level, I was stressed out and in truth, I was miserable.  And now my whole reality was crumbling.  My husband and I were splitting up.  Not only did I not have a job, my gut instinct told me that if I continued to pursue what I had been doing, I would crash again.  My health suffered due to prolonged stress. What had I been doing to myself?!  I worked two jobs at that time, building my empire, and would still chastise myself for not doing well enough, working hard enough.  Then in an instance, it all went and I was left with nothing.  I had no life, just a deep empty feeling within.
Nine months later into the program…I was still in a place of self-doubt,  “What am I doing here? Am I wasting my time?”  I felt inundated by my negative thoughts:  “I should be somewhere else. I should go back and get a job.  Who am I kidding?  I’m not cut out to be a counselor and it doesn’t really pay well.”  On and on the voices inside me kept relentlessly chiding me.  Not only was I having fear that money would soon run out, but now was on my own, with no hope of a relationship in sight, with no family of my own and it was unlikely now that I could even have one… the rest of my family was too far away.  I fell into a deep depression.  Before I had at least some hopes and dreams, even though they weren’t really mine but now the real question came to the forefront - if I didn’t have my mother’s dream…what would be my own dream?  I didn’t know.  So much of what I knew came from everyone else.
Somehow in the time of greatest need…providence provided me with help.  A teacher was sent to my rescue.  Having invested much time and energy into attending many “high powered” workshops, I already knew it all and was not interested in getting his help when he was introduced to me.  I did not think that whatever he could have offered would have made much of a difference to me.  He recognized the place I was in, and would not let up.  He came back a few times to offer support and help.  With great resistance and arrogance, I did finally give him ten minutes of my time.  In the ten minutes, he explained some things to me that humbled  me and it was then that I realized, I needed to work with him.   I spent almost four years intensely studying with him.  Not only did I gain many profound insights from during that time, but acquired a valuable set of tools, that I still use daily.  These methods were handed down from the wise ancient sages.  What better way to excel than to learn, tried and proven methods that have been mastered by preceding generations of teachers?
Like most people I was raised on certain beliefs and values.  These come from our family history, religious dogma, cultural and social circumstances and of course our very own personal experiences.  I had not stopped to ask if some of these ways of viewing the world suited who I was as my own person.  I went through the motions of getting a good education, having a relatively successful work life, planning for my future, doing volunteer work etc.  I was accomplished and knew a lot and yet deep down inside, something was missing for me.  In addition, none of the things that I was pursuing were sustaining me for tough times.  The feeling that I had within was a strong feeling of disorientation without any real means of knowing that things would be sort itself out and that I would be in a better place.
For one, I did not feel a whole lot.  I had even lost touch with my own body!  A massage therapist once gave me a massage and told me that I was like a plank!  I was astonished when she told me that, as I had seen myself as a rather physically fit person, going to the gym regularly.  “Isn’t that how it should be and with working out, we expect to have strong muscles don’t we?” I thought.  What she really meant was that I did not know how to relax.  I could not relax and my body reflected that.  On an emotional level, I was also disconnected.  I assumed that it was a positive thing to keep our feelings lidded.  I maintained the attitude that it was a good trait to have, to react very little to anything.  Hence as a result of that, I didn’t feel connected to anyone, not even to people that were close to me.  I was basically shut down!  Despite all the personal development workshops that I had attended, I was not inspired by what I was doing.  I found myself easily swept up by what everyone’s concept of a “great life”.  I was simply pursuing the material interests.  I thought that I was making a difference to my self, my family and my community, but then why this empty feeling inside?  It all seemed fine on the surface.
From early childhood, we are taught the ways of life through the eyes of our parents/caregivers, teachers/mentors and our own personal lived experiences.  We carry this deep conditioning unknowingly and it is all pervading.  We continue existing on these programs automatically (just like a computer) until we become alerted to them, at which point, we can decide to interrupt and change them.  I was grateful to my teacher for bringing this to my attention.  I had beliefs, values and attitudes of which I had not even consciously chosen!  As I delved into my own self-discovery, I discovered many conflicting beliefs within myself.  It was no wonder that I would find myself confused during critical times!
Until this teacher had come along, I had not entertained another way of viewing and living life.  After I had re-examined my system of beliefs and values, I came to a very different place.  Fundamentally, as human beings, we wish to feel like we are contributing to the bigger picture.  We feel good about ourselves when we are making a difference.  However what that is, is truly individual.  It requires exploration and even sometimes experimentation.  In my own process, I got to learn who I truly was as an individual and not something of a mould that resulted of outside influences.  The other important thing is to feel love and connectedness, both to our self and to others.  This is a process that first requires us to be connected with our physical body and then with our heart.  The heart is a precious gift and it can heal all.  If our heart cannot even feel the slightest emotion, then how can we expect to have joyous, ecstatic experiences? The heart never lies.  We know when we come to a place where something is not sitting right with us.  It is the heart that will tell us that.
A simple way to come back to your self is to breathe. Breathing opens up the body.  As simple as it is, breathing is forgotten by most, and we often breathe in a shallow way.  What this does is it tells our bodies naturally that we are in survival mode (also commonly known as fight or flight).  The body is always slightly tense and to fully relax is a contrary way of existing.  The more we breathe, the more we embrace the life force energy that is all around us.  This energy is readily available to us in any moment.  It gives us vitality and life.  We need only breath and invite it in.  When the body opens up again, we will begin to feel.  It is natural to feel, although quite often due to social etiquette, we have been asked to stifle our feelings.  Emotions are simply an energetic response of our thought forms.  It is simply there and it responds to where we are at mentally.  Constant suppression of our emotions can lead to dis-ease.  If we choose to have feelings of love, joy, peace etc.  we must also allow for feelings of fear, sadness and anger etc. to be there as well.  One cannot exist without the other.  What one can do is to address what some of the issues that may result in negative thought forms and feelings.  When we change our relationship to our self and to the way we view the world, we can have different life experiences.
It took me a while to grasp these new concepts from my teacher.  I am deeply grateful to him and have much appreciation that someone like him cared so much to share his teachings with me.  This gave me passage to a new life.
In turn, I now share what I have learnt with others.  I have designed a series of workshops called Yummy Me!  It was designed to help anyone who wishes to come back to a state of connectedness first with your self and then with other.  It enables one to realize the “authentic me”. This in turn allows us to recognise the gift of who we truly are.  Then as we go out into the world to make our contribution we can truly give feeling yummy within.   If we all felt yummy within ourselves, wouldn’t the world be a better place to live in?
To find out more about this work please check Events page and / or contact Awake Events here.

A group of 20 people gathered on Sat 13 Feb in a room of a Columbia Hotel for the pilot Yummy ME event, an event that has been growing and maturing for years and is based on years of personal journey by one woman to find the way to be nicer and more loving to oneself. 

Few people came who have actually found about the event on gum tree and had a courage to step up and show up on the day though the comfort zone inside them has been stretched to the maximum.  For others it may have been a bit easier as they already have known some of the participants that allowed some familiarity to be present.  They did not feel that alone.  For others, like me, who may have been familiar with other people, goosebumps were growing in the stomach regardless as idea of exploring love to oneself was not that comfortable.

Very soon in the day, the group bonded together through a set of exercises, talks, sharing and by the end of the day, smile on everyone's face was a sign of really coming into that yummy space inside ourselves.  It was an amazing feeling being re-connected with it, which we as kids naturally and easily could go into.  As a bit older we need maybe a longer time to get there but the knowing that we always have it and never lost it is good enough reassurance to keep practising visiting it more often.

Qiming is an amazing and experienced facilitator and together with Chris they have created a very supportive, trusting and safe space for the day. 

I hope more and more people will allow themselves to re-connect with their own yumminess by joining the event one day.
The next Yummy ME event is on 14 March and to book it visit this page.

Have a look at some of the testimonials from the participants of the event.

with love,
Tanja